i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize