what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
