She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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