fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Randomize
