Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
