all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
