You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
