i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
