So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize