my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
