You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I would fuck him just for his dog
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
