I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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