this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize