I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
