Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
