you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You ate ashes out of my bong
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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