I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize