He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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