PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
