i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
