I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
