He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
