I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
