Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
