so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
