Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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