it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
