I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize