You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
