why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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