apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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