Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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