omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
