I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
