Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
All the doctor said was why
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
