your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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