I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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