Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
