When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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