"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
