I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
