ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
