You smell like stripper and shame
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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