Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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