I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
vagina is talking i cant
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
