i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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