I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
soo... how was my night?
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