I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
please come you make the beer taste better
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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