I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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