at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize