I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
