i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
