Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
