Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
