im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
