You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
