i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
