Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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