we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
