Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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