so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Randomize
