i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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