I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
