If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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