I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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