puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
