At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
