You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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