Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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