Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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