I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
