My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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