My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
