Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
