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Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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