I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
