i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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