wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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