Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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