you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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