What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize