I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize