I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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