I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
